Bleeding Love
by TryDefyGravity
Summary: Rachel has dealt with abuse her whole life. So what does she do? She decides to take her life. But what happens when Puck finds out about her plan? Puck/Rachel romance with Rachel/Brittany friendship. Rated T for self-harm, suicide attempts and language.
1. Chapter 1

Rachel Berry had no friends.

At first, she thought it was precisely because nobody understood how talented and amazing she was. But as the months went on, she solely realized it was because she was nothing.

It seemed like yesterday she would stand in front of the mirror and smile at how pretty she was. How perfect she was in her eyes. But as she stood in front of the school bathroom mirror now, all she could do was point out the multiple flaws.

Big nose. Lifeless hair. Hideous eyes. Disgusting body shape.

She wasn't Quinn Fabray. She didn't have her beautiful blonde hair.

She wasn't Mercedes Jones. She didn't have her amazing singing voice.

She wasn't Tina Cohen-Chang. She didn't have her breathtaking smile.

She wasn't Santana Lopez. She didn't have her endless confidence.

She was Rachel Berry, the girl who nobody cared about. Rachel stood in front of the bathroom mirror and wiped away the remainder of her tears before walking out of the bathroom and shuffling to Glee club.

…

You didn't have to like Rachel Berry to know when something wasn't right. She trudged in the choir room wearing jeans and dark grey hoodie with converse instead of her usual God-awful animal sweaters and skirts. She took the empty seat in the back of the room, which was unusual because she always preferred the one in the front.

"Hey Man hands, what's with the hoodie? Run out of disgustingly ugly sweaters to wear?" Santana hisses. Rachel looks at her lap and doesn't say a word. Brittany frowns.

"You know 'Tana that really wasn't nice." She whispers to the Latina. Santana snorts.

"Oh who cares? Berry is nothing but a freak." She replies with a smirk. Rachel intertwines her fingers, trying to distract herself from the harsh words coming out of the cheerio's mouth.

Just then, Quinn sauntered in the room with a smile. Brittany immediately noticed that her hair looked different.

"Hey Q, did you get a haircut?" Brittney asks. Quinn rolls her eyes.

"No, I dyed the tips of my hair _invisible_." She says sarcastically. Unfortunately the ditz blonde isn't so quick to realize that.

"Wow! You can do that now?" Santana lets out a snorting sound and Brittany's eyebrows knit in confusion. Why were her friends acting so weird?

"Alright guys. You all now sectionals are coming up soon and we need to come up with some song ideas." Mr. Schuester exclaimed with a clap of his hands. Nobody spoke up. "Anyone? What about you, Rachel? Any ideas?" He asked.

Rachel squirmed in her seat but didn't look up.

"No." She said. The surprised teacher raised an eyebrow.

"You okay? You usually have a new song you're dying to show every week." He says with a confused expression. Rachel finally looks up.

"I don't think I should sing for sectionals, Mr. Schue." She whispers. Santana crosses her arms while the rest of the Glee club gasps.

"Oh please, Barbara's obviously trying to plot some evil master plan so that she can steal the show during the performance." She explains. Brittany cocks her head. Rachel was annoying, but she wouldn't do something like that, would she?

"No. In fact I think you should sing the song. Amy Winehouse would sound lovely with your voice." Rachel murmurs, trying to blink back the tears in her eyes. Santana seems shocked for a minute, but then grimaces.

"Ugh, please. Just stop talking to me." She spits. Rachel nods and looks back down at her lap.

"Sorry." She whispers. That's probably what got to her the most. Rachel tried. She really did try to be a good person. Sure, she didn't always give the best criticism, or the most helpful judgments. But lately she honestly, truly, has tried to be a better person.

And it always blew back up into her face.

Mr. Schue shoots Santana a disapproving glance but nods anyway.

"Santana, you should totally do 'Back to Black' by Amy Winehouse for sectionals!" Quinn gushes. The Latina grins and bats her eyes. "Besides, this is probably one of the only times that midget is going to give up a solo." Quinn nods her head towards Rachel and rolls her eyes.

"Maybe you guys could do a duet! You know, Santana and Rachel!" Brittany says with a smile. Brittany secretly has always though Rachel was the best singer in the Glee club, but she wanted her best friend to get a chance too. 'You're so smart!' Brittany thought to herself. Santana obvious disagreed.

"Eww, no! Hell will freeze over when I sing with RuPaul." She says while flicking her manicured nail. Mr. Schue sighs.

"All right, then we can all agree that Santana will do 'Back to Black' for sectionals then?" He asks. The Glee club members all give a small nod and he claps his hands.

"Alright, let's get to it! To the auditorium." He smiles at points his finger towards the door. Everybody stands up and leaves, with the exception of Puck, Rachel, and the three cheerios. Puck goes over to the piano to grab some sheet music, but he can't help but overhear the girl's conversation.

"Listen. Everybody can see through your little act, Berry." Santana hisses.

"Yeah, you obviously just want attention. Probably trying to steal my boyfriend!" Quinn yells practically in Rachel's face.

"N-no. Quinn, you and Finn are great together." She whispers. Quinn snorts.

"Stop being such a fucking prude and get over yourself." Santana says. She flips her hair back and both she and Quinn sashay out of the room, arms linked. Brittany stares at Rachel for a minute before speaking.

"You look sad. You should meet my cat, Lord Tubbington. He's really good at cheering people up."

Rachel feels a small smile tug at her lips. "Thank you, Brittany. But I can assure you I'm perfectly fine. See?" She says, executing a smile in order to convince the perky blonde that she was okay. Brittany cocks her head to the side.

"Your smile looks happy but your eyes look sad…how come?" She asks. Rachel stares at Brittany for a while. Why did she care? Nobody did. Suddenly Quinn's head popped in the doorway.

"Brittany! Get your ass over here and stop talking to that fugly midget! We're gonna be late." She hisses. Brittany swallows and gets up, walking over to the doorway. She stares at Rachel for a moment before Quinn pulls her away from the choir room, leaving Rachel sitting alone.

Or at least she thought she was alone, as she allowed a single tear to spill from her eyes and trail down her cheek. Puck noticed.

"Don't listen to them. Any of them." He says, watching as the tear dripped onto the girl's hoodie. She jumps a little, startled by the voice coming from the piano. He walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "They just don't understand our Jew badass-ness." Puck jokes. Usually would've cracked a smile or a giggle, but now she just stood up, grabbed her bag, and started to walk towards the door. He was honestly confused and hurt by this. Rachel was _never_ the one to let her vulnerability show through. It was a weakness in her eyes, therefor she always stayed strong. "Hey, Berry." He says as he grabs her shoulder and spins her around. "You okay?"

She wipes at a few tears and nods. "We're gonna be late." She whispers. He shakes his head.

"I don't care. What's wrong?"

Rachel's face is one second away from crumbling before him but she digs her fingernails in her arm to keep from bursting into tears. "Noah…please don't. Just please don't care about me, okay?" She whispers as she shrugs off his hand and walks out of the choir room, leaving Puck confused and worried about Rachel. Yes, Noah Puckerman was worried about Rachel Berry.

He thought he'd never see the day.

….

Rachel staggers into the auditorium and sits in the farthest possible seat from everybody else. She doesn't know what's with her these days…she just doesn't like people anymore. Call her anti-social, it's probably true.

As Santana sings the first verse of "Back to Black", she can't help but remember last year. Rachel was confident. Rachel was positive. Rachel was _happy._

So what happened? What happened to when she used to dream of Finn, and Broadway, and her name in lights? Now all she dreamed was that she didn't wake up in the morning. How fucked up was that?

"What's up with Berry?" Mercedes whispered to Quinn, a few rows away from Rachel.

"Oh. She's totally just trying to act all sad for attention. Don't worry about the little freak." She says, purposely louder than she should of. Rachel put her hood over her head in an attempt to hide the tears that were building up in her eyes. She barely noticed Puck walk into the auditorium. He sat a few seats away from Rachel, which honestly surprised her. Since when has Noah ever cared about her?

….

Puck watched her with careful eyes. What happened to her? Was it him? Did Finn do something? He suddenly had an urge to walk across the auditorium and punch Finn in his face for ever hurting the girl. It was disgusting, how not too long ago he was dating Rachel. Now he's snuggling up to Quinn as if the brunette didn't ever exist.

He secretly regretted every slushy thrown, every comment said, every remark made. Sure, Rachel was narcissistic and bossy and judgmental but when it came down to Glee club, she would always be there for each and every one of them. But how did they pay her back? By constantly abusing her, both mentally and physically. Puck knew that if he stood up for Rachel he would probably get the same exact treatment. So he was a coward. And he fucking hated it.

"Puck! Down here!" Quinn yelled, motioning to the lower rows of seats, where most of the club was sitting. He took one glance at Rachel, who was sitting not three seats away from him before turning back to the blonde.

"I'm good." He yelled back. Quinn rolled her eyes and stared at Rachel.

"What're doing, keeping him captive up there, Barbara? I know you're desperate but not even Puck, the man whore of the school would get into your pants." She snickers. Rachel looks at her lap and stands up.

"You're right." She whispers as she walks down the row. Rachel looks at a Puck for a moment and mumbles an, "I'm sorry." Then she walks out of the room.

"Rachel, wait…" He yells before groaning and turning back to Quinn.

"What the fuck is your problem? She didn't do anything." He says in an annoyed tone. Quinn smirks.

"So?" She says innocently.

"_So_ stop being such a bitch!"

Finn stands up. "Whoa man, not cool." He says. Puck rolls his eyes and yells something back.

During all of the commotion, nobody notices Brittany slip out of the auditorium and into the empty school hallways. She may not be the smartest girl but she knew people. And she _knew _something was wrong with Rachel Berry.

She heard quiet sniffling in the girl's bathroom near the choir room. Brittany walks in to find an obviously distraught Rachel Berry sitting against the wall with her knees pulled up to her chest, sobbing.

"Rach! What's the matter, sweetie?" She whispers as she kneels in front of the diva.

"Nothing. I'm f-fine." She assures as she wipes away tears with the back of her hands. Brittany shakes her head.

"No. Something's wrong. I won't tell anybody. Except for Lord Tubbington maybe, but he's really good at keeping secrets."

"I'm just…I'm so sad these days, Brit." Rachel whimpers. Brittany frowns and tucks a piece of hair behind the diva's ear.

"Can I give you some of my happiness?" She asks, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Rachel lets out a small chuckle. It was both amusing and sweet how the cheerleader thought she could physically give her some of her happiness. It surely was an intriguing thought.

"I wish you could." Rachel mutters. Both girls' nod.

"Is it because of what Quinn and Santana said?" Brittany asks.

Rachel contemplates telling Brittany the truth.

"It…it has something to do with that I guess." She says with a shrug before standing up. Rachel walks over to the sink and starts to splash cold water on her face. In the process, her dark hoodie rides up her arm. Brittany looks closer and notice small cuts covering her wrists and forearm.

"Rachel? What happened to your arm?" Brittany asks, cocking her head to the side. Rachel gasps and looks down at her arm, immediately hiding the self-harm injury by tugging on the article of clothing.

"It's…uhm, it's nothing really. I was merely doing some yard work with my dad's over the weekend. I happened to get a few cuts and bruises in the process is all." Rachel explains nervously. Brittany nods and gives a small smile.

"Well, whenever you need someone to talk to, I'll be listening." She takes out a piece of paper from her backpack and a pencil, but struggles to remember her phone number. "I forgot my phone number." She says with a frown. Rachel smiles.

"You know, Brittany, that's really not necessary, I mean-," She gets cut off by the cheerleader.

"Oh yeah! I remember!" She grins as she scribbles down the information and hands it to Rachel.

"Call me. We should hang soon. Bye Rae!" She says with a wave before happily skipping out of the bathroom. Rachel sighs, puts the slip of paper in her bag, and rolls up her hoodie sleeve.

She had been self-harming for about four months now. At first, it was really effective. One or two cutting sections a day would satisfy the ache.

Now, Rachel was numb. No matter how far she dug into the scarred skin, she couldn't find any way to release the pain. It took two to three cutting sessions _a day_ now to try and get rid of some of the pain.

She remembers about a week ago, she had cut her wrists so badly it started to bleed more than ever before. She sat there and watched; watched as the blood franticly poured out of her body. For some odd reason, she didn't try to get up. She didn't cry or scream for help. Maybe it was because she truly wanted to die.

She woke up hours later, honestly convinced she was dead. And it terrified the living hell out of her. She curled up on the bathroom tile floor and sobbed hysterically for what seemed like days and days until she found enough strength to get up off of the floor and clean up the mess.

Flash-forward to now…it was obvious nobody cared about her. Her father's always left her alone. Santana and Quinn always picked on her and not one member of the Glee club made an attempt to stop it. So she decided tonight would be the night.

Rachel Berry was going to kill herself.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel silently cried as she scribbled the last few words of her suicide note. This was the hardest part; writing down a personalized message to people who probably wouldn't even care if she died. But she needed to give them a reason, whether they wanted one or not.

Walking into the Glee club, she carefully folded up the letter and addressed it to her "fellow students" before placing it on the piano.

Rachel never wanted it to be this way. She just wanted to get through high school and move to New York with Finn. They were supposed to get married at a beautiful church where she'd wear the most intricate white dress and he'd stand at the end of the aisle, tears welling at the sight of his soon-to-be bride. They were supposed to have two kids, one son and one daughter, who would be named Andrew and Caroline and would be extremely talented, both carrying their parents singing into the next generation. Rachel was supposed to be in Broadway until she couldn't sing or dance anymore. She was supposed to have a long, happy life.

I guess things never really go as planned.

As she walks around the room, she can't help but let her slender fingers glide across the keys. True, she'd miss this. But what was the point of expressing your passion to a group of people who didn't appreciate it? She slowly lowered herself onto the black bench and positioned her hands to play the most appropriate song for the particular situation. After all, this would be the last song she ever sang. Why not make it memorable? She gently started to press the keys down, creating a beautiful melody.

_I feel…so alone_

_I feel…so cold_

_I want to fly_

_Take off to the sky_

_It's so cold…it's so cold_

_It's so….cold_

_There was a chill_

_There was a sound_

_There was a whisper…of that I found_

_It went along searching_

_It will return while I stay_

_I feel…so alone_

_I feel…so cold_

She sat up. She needed to do it _now._ She couldn't take the pain anymore. She was done.

Rachel ran out of the choir room, running as fast as she possibly could as tears ran down her face. When she reached her car, she impatiently ripped open the door and practically fell in the front seat. She didn't bother to put on her seatbelt, she just slammed on the gas pedal and drove, for what seemed like forever, until she found herself in front of her house.

When she reached the bathroom door she pulled on the door, almost hard enough to rip it right off its hinges. Her dads were gone on some vacation. Thank God.

She pulled open a drawer and rummaged through it until she found the box. She opened it and picked up the sharpest razor she could find.

Jackpot.

Pulling off her hoodie and throwing it on the ground below her, she took a deep breath and pressed the sharp metal to her wrist, right where the major veins were. Red blood immediately oozed out of the deep cut but Rachel felt no pain.

She was numb. She hated it.

She retracted the razor and made an identical cut on the other wrist, causing blood to get all over the floor and her white V-neck shirt. Rachel didn't care. She just wanted pain. Was that such a bad thing to ask for? Just pain. Just a distraction. Was that too much?

She felt her vision get blurry around the edges but she continued to tear up the skin along her arms, from her wrists all the way to her shoulders. Minutes, hours, or even days went on before she let out a hysterical sob and dropped the razor, causing it to make a _clink_ sound on the tile floor before she collapsed.

Rachel curled into a ball and sobbed hysterically as blood pooled around her. She closed her eyes.

And waited for death to take her.

….

Puck groaned. He'd left his sweatshirt in the choir room and did not feel like going back to get it. But he had too, it wasn't his after all. It was Mike's.

He hummed some verses of 'Sweet Caroline' as he walked down the high school corridors and couldn't help but think of Rachel. He frowned.

Puck had seriously treated her like shit along with every other Glee club member and he felt bad about it. Because Rachel really was a fragile person, her fake confidence just covered it up all of the time. He made a vow to find out what the hell was wrong with her tomorrow. He had to find out.

Flickering on the light to the deserted choir room, he shuffled in and immediately found the blue sweatshirt. As he threw it over his head, a note on the piano caught his eye. It wasn't here earlier.

Curiosity killed the cat, he thought before glancing at the note. It was addressed to 'Fellow Students' and it was in Rachel's handwriting. He frowned. This can't be good.

_**Dear Glee clubbers,**_

_**First of all, I want to let you all know how sorry I am. I'm sorry for being such a sore loser and a bad sport. I'm sorry for being so annoying and bringing all of your reputations down, because face it; I am the one and only Lima Loser. I'm sorry for everything.**_

_**To Finn: I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect girlfriend. I tried, trust me. You were the first guy I've ever really been with and I didn't want to screw it up. But I did. And I'm sorry. I loved you.**_

_**To Quinn and Santana: I'm sorry that I was always in the way of you guys. You're both beautiful and talented, two things I'll never be. **_

_**To Mercedes and Tina: I'm sorry for being so greedy and taking away all of the solos. You guys really deserve them and you need to promise you'll fight for them. You're really good.**_

_**To Kurt: I'm sorry I embarrassed you with my horrid fashion. You're an amazing person, Kurt. You and Blaine are adorable together. Ignore Karofsky, because you'll be big someday Hummel. **_

_**To Artie and Mike: You two were always so sweet. I'm sorry for ever being annoying to you. I guess that's just the way I am. Mike, keep dancing and Artie, never give up.**_

_**To Sam and Lauren: I'm sorry I didn't get to know you two that well, but from what I do happen to know, you'll go far in life unlike me.**_

_**To Brittany: I'm sorry for all of the remarks and comments you get for participating in Glee club with me. You're so smart, Britt. Don't you dare let anybody tell you any different.**_

_**To Noah: Thank you. Yesterday, in the auditorium, I actually felt like somebody wanted to be near me. You don't know how much it meant. I'm sorry for ever leading you on. **_

_**To Mr. Schuester: You ran the one thing that made me feel like I was worth something. When I sang, everything washed away. All the sorrow. All the hurt. But it was only temporary. I'm sorry for being such a poor sport. **_

_**By the time you all read this letter, I'll be gone. Dead. Nothing. I don't expect you to care. It's okay if you don't. Just know that it's none of your faults. It's mine.**_

_**I'm sorry for ever ruining any of your lives. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.**_

_**Because I know damn well I can't forgive myself.**_

_**Much love-**_

_**Rachel Barbara Berry**_

Puck's eyes widen when he notices something wet splash on the crinkled piece of paper. He reaches up and touches his cheek. He notices that he's crying. Hysterically.

This can't be happening. She can't be dead. No, no, no, no, no.

Puck threw the letter down and ran as fast as he could He needed to get to her house before it was too late. Rachel Berry could NOT die.

He needed her to be _alive_. Wait, scratch that.

He needed _her._


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N: carrie4angel- Yes, I was unsure on how to describe Rachel/Finn's wedding. I thought maybe she'd convert or something? Thanks for the review, though.)**

Puck felt a whirlwind of emotions as his car skidded along the concrete road. At first, he was surprised. Then, he was sad. Now, he was pissed off.

How could Rachel take her own life? Did she honestly think nobody cared about her? What the hell was she thinking? He was angry at both her and himself. Mad at himself, because he knew he was part of the reason why she wanted to kill herself. Mad at her, because…he actually did care. And if he found her dead, he would lose it.

Puck parked his car carelessly in front of the Berry house and stormed in as if it were his own.

"Rachel!" He yelled, searching every inch of the downstairs before descending up the stairs. She wasn't in her room, but he noticed the bathroom door was locked. Puck groaned but started to ram himself into the door until finally it creaked open. He stepped inside and widened his eyes.

There was Rachel, sobbing hysterically, curled up on the bathroom floor. Puck was still extremely pissed off, but all he could really feel right now was relief.

"Rachel." He breathed before going over to the distraught girl and practically crushing her to his chest in an embrace. "I thought…Rachel…" He pulled back and kissed practically every inch of her face, keeping away from her lips of course, and breathed in her familiar scent of licorice and rain water. "Why? Why would you do that?" He whispered, looking down at her bloody arms.

"I tried…I tried, Noah. I couldn't do it. I can't do it…" She whimpered, rocking back in forth. Puck's eyes suddenly turned cold.

"Don't you ever do something like that again, do you hear me? Do you know how fucking worried I was? I thought you were gone…" He whispered, capturing the side of her face and making her look at him. "Why would you do that to me? To the whole Glee club? Don't you realize how sad everybody would be?" Rachel continued to cry.

"Don't lie to me, Noah. You've never done it before so don't start." She whispers. Puck shakes his head and sighs before standing up. He rummages through the drawers and finds a first aid kit. Taking her wrist in his hand, he gently runs a washcloth up and down her arms in order to wipe the blood off.

"Rachel…what the hell did you do to yourself?" He whispers as he examines the deep cuts. "I think you're gonna need stiches, Rach."

Suddenly a new round of tears comes and Rachel starts hyperventiling. "N-Noah, you have to fix it. No stiches, I know you can fix it. Please N-Noah, please…" Puck raises his hand and brushes hair out of her face.

"Rach, calm down. Calm down! That's it, just breathe. I'm gonna do the best I can, okay?" He says soothingly. Rachel nods and they both look down at her arm. Puck takes a sharp breathe and looks at the damage. "These look really deep, but I don't think you'll die from them. You were inches away from a major vein, you know." He says and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before kissing her forehead. "Don't worry; I'll take care of them."

A whole roll of gauze, a full bottle of hydrogen peroxide, and several bands aid later, Rachel's injuries were covered up and the blood was cleaned up from the floor. Puck helped her up and steadied her. Suddenly his eyes turned cold again and the anger came back.

"Really, what the hell were you thinking? You are such an idiot, Rach." He says, throwing up his hands in exasperation as he put the items back in their cabinets Rachel crosses her arms. 

"Oh please, so now you're mad at me? You have no place to judge me, Noah." She spits. Puck lets out a hysterical laugh.

"You think it's okay to take your life just because some dicks bag on you? News flash, I get picked on too." He says with a raised eyebrow. Rachel widens her eyes and opens and closes her mouth, but nothing comes out. Puck knows the second those words leave his mouth he was wrong.

"I…you…are you _fucking kidding me?_" She screeches. Puck flinches. Rachel Barbara Berry NEVER cursed. "You are such a hypocrite! You are not the one who has been teased since she was six years old! I go through life, every fucking day, dealing with shit after shit from everybody in school. I get a nasty ass slushy thrown in my face at least twice a day, I deal will verbal abuse from Miss perfect and her stupid Latina pet every god damn second, and then those douchebag jocks think it's okay to push me around like I'm some piece of meat!" She yells. Puck's raises an eyebrow.

"Wait…they hit you?" He asks, rage bubbling up in himself. Rachel snorts and lifts up the leg of her pants, revealing splotches of blue and purple all along her leg. Puck growls. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"I TRIED TO FUCKING TELL YOU, BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN! YOU DIDN'T CARE!" She screams, tears running down her face. Puck frowns and moves closer, taking her hands in his and pulling them to his chest.

"Rach, I'm so, so sorry…-," He starts. Rachel pulls her hands away and pushes him. 

"NO! You don't get to comfort me! You've bullied me all these years and now you expect me to come running towards you like a knight in shining armor? Oh why, because you 'saved my life'?" She asks, grimacing.

"Are you serious? I found you on the bathroom floor, crying because you 'couldn't do it'. You're lucky I forgot my sweatshirt in the choir room and even found you're fucking note, or else they'd find you dead!" He yells, equally as pissed as the brunette in front of him.

"Has it ever dawned on you that I actually wanted to die? Hmm?" She replies. Puck moves back closer and shakes his head.

"Rachel, how can you say that? Why would you want to die?" He asks. Tears build up in her brown eyes and she frowns.

"I have no friends." A single tear falls down her cheek and Puck gently wipes it away with his thumb.

"You have me." He whispers. Rachel laughs.

"We've never been friends before."

"You're right…but that's because I didn't realize how amazing you are." He whispers.

"You're just saying that because I almost died." She says, shaking her head.

"Let me prove it to you." Puck says.

"And how are you gonna do that?"

"Well, we're gonna be spending like a month together anyway, so…"

"Wait, WHAT?" She asks, her mouth opening in a protest.

"Well you didn't think I'm leaving you alone after you tried to kill yourself, did you?" He said with a humorless laugh. She hung her head and he sighed, cupping her chin and making her look at him. "Rachel, you need help, sweetheart." He murmurs before wrapping his arms around her and welcoming her into his embrace.

"Noah…please don't tell anybody." She whispers. Puck pulled back and stared at her face.

"I won't. Only because if I do tell, you'll probably get put in the nuthouse, which I know would suck. But like I said, I still think you need help. That's why you're staying with me at my house whether you like it or not. My mom and sister are away on some stupid vacation for a month. I didn't want to go so I didn't. That means we have the whole house to ourselves." He says with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Rachel giggled and hit his arm.

"Pig." She says. Puck smiles and gives her a gentle push towards her bedroom.

"Go get ready." He says. She nods and pulls out a duffle bag before throwing things inside of it. Puck turns his back and cleans up the rest of the bathroom.

This was going to be one hell of a month.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel watched as the rain fell down on the concrete road, creating a shiny glaze over the dark surface. Silence floated through the car only to be replaced by the soft pitter-patter from skies above. Puck cleared his throat.

"Rachel…I don't understand." He says softly. She doesn't look at him.

"I'm not expecting you to." She murmurs, not bothering to break her gaze from the outside air. Puck sighs.

"Help me understand. Please."

Rachel closes her eyes. She needed to push him away. She couldn't let him in. But at the same time, she needed to tell somebody. It wasn't healthy to bottle this all up.

"I thought…maybe, just maybe, everybody would feel bad once I was gone. They'd all feel what I felt in my bones. All the sadness. All the grief. All the loneliness. They'd just feel horrible for everything they said. At least, that's what I hoped." She whispers. Puck shakes his head.

"You can't let yourself think those kinds of things, Rachel." He says. A small, humorless smile tugs at her lips.

"Why can't they give me respect when I'm right in front of their face then, Noah? If I have to take my own life for them to realize it actually _hurts_, then so be it. It'll take some waking up but I'll do whatever it takes. They just need to see that I'm _somebody._ I'm a heart , I'm a mind, I'm a soul. I'm a person with feelings and whenever Quinn or Santana or the whole Glee club for that matter ridicules me, it really does make me feel worthless." She explains. Puck can't get a grasp on what he's feeling right now, It's all too much for him. "I thought Glee club was all about being a family. But family doesn't hurt you."

All Puck could feel was guilt now. Mostly because he knew he had been an asshole to the small brunette, but she never really knew she felt this way. It practically broke his heart.

"I know that's not all. There's more to this and you're not telling me. Those scars on your arms aren't new." He stated. She scowled and nodded.

"You're right. But I…I can't tell you." She says, intertwining her fingers to distract herself.

"Rachel, you can tell me anything. Seriously, I'm not going to judge you for it." Rachel sighs and closing her eyes, trying to put her thoughts into words.

"I can't _feel_ anymore, Noah. Sure, I cry and I frown but there's no emotion behind the tears or the facial expressions. When I…hurt myself, it's because I'm trying to feel something. Even if it's pain. But I _can't, _and it absolutely kills me. All of the sadness is so reoccurring; it's not even a surprise anymore. I'm used to being called names and being pushed around. Sure, it still kind of stings, but I'm used to it. When I cut, it's so that I can feel some sort of emotion. I'm so numb, Noah. I get carried away sometimes." She replies. "It's sick, right?"

Puck closes his eyes and clutches the steering wheel to keep from crying himself. "It's not _sick, _Rach. I just…I wish I knew sooner. I wish you would've let me in."

"That's the problem. I…I can't let people in. I just can't. Because if I do, you'll want out. And I can't say goodbye to anyone else, Noah. I refuse to." He nods in understanding.

"I think you should tell the Glee club." He states. She laughs and shakes her head.

"No. They wouldn't care, anyway. They only need me for my voice. If I didn't have it, I'd be nothing to them. Don't you try to tell me any different, either."

Puck sighs as he pulls up in front of his house and takes her bags from her. Rachel's head hangs as she walks into the warm, inviting house.

"You should get some sleep. Uhm, my room is upstairs, first door on the right…I won't be sleeping tonight so you can go there I guess, unless you want-," Puck started, but Rachel cut him off.

"Thank you, Noah. I really appreciate this. And if I could feel, I'd be happy." She whispers. He gives her a kiss on the forehead and watches as she trudges up the stairs.

_If I could feel, I'd be happy_

Those words made Puck's heart clench.

**(A/N: Short, but I felt the need to at least write something. I promise the next chapter will be longer.)**


	5. Chapter 5

Rachel sighed and snuggled into the warm sheets, happy to find some sort of comfort in the rather large bed. It felt more at home than hers for some reason. She glanced up at the clock, surprised to find that it was three in the morning. For hours she had been trying to sleep, only succeeding in getting an hour and a half's worth.

She got up and grabbed a hoodie off of Puck's floor and slipped in on her small body before slowly trudging down the wooden steps and into the living room where Puck was sitting in front of the television with his back turned.

"What're you doing?" She asked softy. He didn't respond at first, which worried Rachel. She put a hand on his shoulder and he turned around, startled at first. His quickly realized it was just her and motioned for her to sit down next to him. "What's that?" She asks, motioning to the controller he had in his hand.

"I'm playing Call of Duty." He replied with a smile. She cocks her head to the side and crinkles her nose in a way that he thought was adorable.

"It's like three in the morning. Who could possibly be on at this time of night?" She asks. He laughs and rolls his eyes.

"I'm playing with Mike and Sam." Puck informed her, pointing to a headset he was wearing.

"Oh." Was all she said. She watched as he shot people to the ground and did a victory fist pump. He stole a glance from her and shifts nervously.

"Uhm…do you want to, like, play?" He asks. She raises an eyebrow and shrugs. 

"I'll just end up killing myself you know." She says with a smile. But it instantly drops once she realizes the double meaning behind those words. Puck looks at her intently and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I wouldn't let you do that." He whispers. Both of them gaze at eachother for a while before she looks away and nods.

"Yeah…I mean, you'll have to teach me. But I suppose I could try."

Twenty minutes later they are both sitting on the edge of their seats, killing every enemy that comes in sight.

"Rachel, what the hell are you doing?" He yells, playfully nudging her. She frowns and throws her hands up in exasperation.

"I'm killing the German guys!"

"Rach, we _are_ the German guys. Shoot the British!" Puck says with a laugh and the shake of his head. She sighs and shoots somebody in the head.

"This game doesn't even make sense. Why are we fighting again?" She wonders.

"I don't know…maybe we pissed them off or something."

"What did we do to piss them off?"

Puck cocks his head to the side of ruffles her hair with his free hand. "They were jealous of our badass-ness."

She giggles, but quickly gets competitive and curses under her breathe as they played the video game. Puck groaned as his player falls to the ground.

"I'm dead." He says with a sigh and watches as Rachel play the game. He has to admit, she's pretty good for a beginner. And watching her curse and shoot and smile…it made him happy. Plus, she looked hot.

Suddenly she throws her hands in the air and smiles. "I won!" She says. Puck stands up and stretches, turning off the console before going to the kitchen and searching the fridge.

"Why did you come down here anyway?" Puck asks as Rachel sits down on the island.

"I…couldn't sleep." She mutters. He nods and throws her a bottle of water. "Don't worry about it. I'm used to sleepless nights." Rachel shrugs.

"That's not good." He says with a raises eyebrow. She sighs and rests her head on the counter.

"Whatever."

"Are you tired now?" He asks softly, coming up behind her and gently rubbing her back.

"I'm exhausted. But I know I won't be able to sleep. And if I do, I'll most likely wake up from a nightmare." She admits. Puck frowns at these words.

"Why don't I, like, put on a movie or something? We'll most likely fall asleep during it." He says with a shrug. She nods and in no time they're curled up on the couch watching The Hangover.

At some point her breath evens out and her head falls on Puck's shoulder, who looks down at Rachel and smiles.

Soon enough, they both fall asleep in each other's arms. And it was the best night of sleep either of them got.

**(A/N: Brittany next chapter :D) **


	6. Chapter 6

**(A/N: To the person who asked, Kurt is in Dalton with Blaine. Don't worry; he'll come in the story later. I just love the Rachel/Kurt friendship too much to forget about it )**

Puck groans sleepily as he sits up and shuts the alarm off of his phone. He looks down and a small smile tugs at his lips when he notices a small brunette curled into his side. He gently brushes away hair from her forehead with a grin, but then pauses.

What the hell was he doing?

Puck was never the type of guy to do things like this. He was the one to screw girls and then leave…So what was it about Rachel Berry that made him stay? What was it about her that made him give forehead kisses and hair strokes, back rubs and hand holds? Because that _wasn't_ Puck. That's never, ever, been Puck. So what changed?

Maybe it was the fact that Rachel was fragile. He knew that. Or maybe it was because he felt bad.

Or maybe it was because he had feelings for her.

No. No, no, no. He could not do this now. Rachel couldn't deal with a relationship. But he could…and he wanted her…Puck sighed and shook the thought out of his head before carefully nudging Rachel.

"Rach, coming we gotta get up." He murmurs. She groggily opens her eyes and sits up.

"Noah?" She whispers, rubbing her eyes. He gives a small smile. He never realized how beautiful she was, with her messy hair and perfect brown eyes….

_Stop that. You can't do this to yourself._

"Hey, uhm, why don't you go take a shower and I'll make breakfast?" He asks softly. She nods and yawns before standing up and heading to the stairs. Once he hears the shower start he turns and places both hands on the sink, taking a deep breath.

"What is it about Rachel Berry?" He whispers to himself.

Twenty minutes later she comes down the stairs and he frowns. She's wearing jeans, sneakers, and a black tee shirt. Her hair is lifeless and straight, falling down her back. She's not wearing any jewelry or any makeup (not that she needed any, she was already pretty).

"No sweaters?" he says, eyebrows knitting in confusion. She shakes her head.

"Everybody hates them. You hate them." She says with a raised eyebrow. He crosses his arms after he sets a plate of pancakes down in front of her after taking a stack of his own.

"I don't hate them. Sure, they're different, but I don't hate them. They make you Rachel." He says, shrugging.

She scoffs and they both eat in silence. After he showers and dresses, they walk out the front door, ready for school.

…..

Brittany skipped happily into Glee club, frowning when she realized she was the first one there. She aimlessly walked around the room, playing with the piano's keys when she notices something on the floor.

A note.

She picks it up and stares at it for a minute. It looks like Rachel's handwriting on the front. Brittany raises her eyebrow before opening it and reading it.

_**By the time you all read this letter, I'll be gone. Dead. Nothing. I don't expect you to care. It's okay if you don't. Just know that it's none of your faults. It's mine.**_

_**I'm sorry for ever ruining any of your lives. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.**_

_**Because I know damn well I can't forgive myself.**_

_**Much love-**_

_**Rachel Barbara Berry**_

She doesn't understand at first what the letter means. Rachel? Dead? It just doesn't add up. Why _would_ it add up? Suddenly a voice cuts through her thoughts.

"Britt!" Santana yells, looking at the tall blonde. "Whatcha got there?"

Brittany looks down at the crimpled note in her hand and takes a deep breath before shoving it into her pink book bag, which was covered in sharpied-hearts. (It was Artie's idea. The whole Glee club drew little pictures all over it…except Rachel.)

"It's uhm, a note my mom gave me. Don't worry about it." She whispers, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Santana nods and stares at her nails, looking for any imperfections.

"Listen B, we need to talk." The Latina mutters. Brittany's eyebrows knit in confusion.

"About what, San'?"

"About you and Berry. Look, I don't know why you have a sudden interest in her all of the sudden, but you need to snap out of it. The last thing we need is for our reputation being even more slandered." She spits, pushing hair behind her shoulder. Brittney scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"Why are you so mean to her?" She asks, crossing her arms. Santana looks up.

"Uhm, because she's Rachel _fucking _Berry. Why not be mean to her? She's a nobody, Britt. A total loser." Santana hisses. She gets up and pulls out a yearbook from a shelf near Mr. Schue's desk before flipping pages until a picture of Rachel Berry came along. It had been totally scrutinized, with inappropriate words and drawings covering the diva's face. Santana presses a manicured nail into the photo. "Listen Brittany, there are different types of people at this school. They're the popular kids, the ones who fit in, and the Lima losers. This, right here, is exhibit A of a Lima loser."

Brittany has a piece of mind to get up and slap the smirk right off of Santana's face, but she knows she wouldn't win the fight even if she tried. So instead she slams the book shut and groans.

"Listen Santana, I get that you have so much frustration and you have to take it out on somebody, I really do. But you need to stop with the insults! Rachel is a person! With feelings, and a heart. She doesn't deserve all of this hate! What did she do to deserve all of this?" Brittany yells, tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of her friend being dead. Santana opened her mouth to say something but Brittany cut her off with a wave of her hand. "No! Let me finish. I've heard you say countless things to that girl, both Quinn, you AND the whole Glee club. I can't just stand around and pretend that it's okay anymore because it's not! What would you do if something happened to Rachel? Huh? What would you do if she…died." Brittany whispers, a single tear spilling over her lids.

Santana sat there, more shocked than ever. She kept opening and closing her mouth, but nothing came out. Her eyes softened for a while before turning rock hard.

"Now you listen to me, Britt. I don't know what the fuck happened to you. Is RuPaul brainwashing you? And don't you dare tell me about bullying and shit, because you sat there and didn't say anything!" Santana mutters. Brittany turns around to face the dark haired girl.

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT? I REGRET EVERYTHING I EVER SAID TO THAT GIRL!" Brittany cries.

Santana scoffs and picks up her back, shoving Brittany with her shoulder before walking out. "Come talk to me after you grow some balls." She calls over her shoulder.

She leaves Brittany alone, crying her eyes out.

…

Puck watches as Rachel takes a deep breath before pushing open the school doors. They walk through the hallways, ignoring snickers and snorts as Rachel trudges with her head down. Suddenly Karofsky comes out of nowhere and pushes Rachel face first into the lockers. She cries out when her face hits the hard surface.

"Watch where you're going, slut." Karofsky spits. Puck clenches his fists and the next thing you know, he has Karofsky pinned to the lockers by his throat.

"I swear to God if you touch her or talk to her like that again I will fucking _kill_ you." Puck spits, tightening his hand around Karofsky's neck. He doesn't plan on letting go until he feels a small tug on his hand.

"Noah, he's not worth it." Rachel whispers, holding one side of her face. Puck takes a deep breath and wills himself to calm down before releasing Karofsky with a push. After watching him walk away, Puck turns around and grabs Rachel's chin, moving her head from side to side. "Are you okay? Lemme see what he did." Puck says softly, taking her hand away from her face and wincing when he sees a small bruise starting to form. "I'm sorry." He whispers. She shakes her head.

"It's okay." It touched her that somebody actually cared enough to threaten Karofsky. She just repositioned her bangs so that it covered up the bruise.

They start to walk through the halls and into Glee club, and Rachel smiles when she feels Puck's hand slip into hers.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Brittany's bubbly laughter could be heard miles away as she happily skipped through the Pierce family backyard. Her blonde hair was tied up in two pigtails, secured by ties with little pink bows on them. She had practically begged her mother to make her hair look pretty for the day, but the real reason was so it would be out of her face while she played.**_

_**She wasn't like other little girls.**_

_**The other kids would call her stupid. She didn't understand why they thought that. **_

"_**Brittany, sweetheart, they just don't understand that you see things differently." Her mother would say, brushing the girl's soft locks.**_

"_**Mommy, what do you mean 'differently'?" The small girl questioned. Mrs. Pierce's lips tugged upwards into a sad smile.**_

"_**You might not be good at math or science, but you are good at people, sweetheart. You know when someone needs help, or when someone needs a friend." **_

_**Brittany plays with her fingernails as her mother brushed her hair. "I wish I was smart like those other girls, mommy." She whispers.**_

_**Mrs. Pierce feels tears welling up in her eyes. "Brittany you are the smartest person I've ever met. Don't you dare let anyone tell you any different." **_

_**So here Brittany was, playing in her backyard alone. She didn't like to be bothered by the other little kids. This is how she liked it, alone.**_

_**Her thoughts were broken when she hears sobbing. She turns around and sees her mother there, her usually perfect eye makeup running and her face a tinted red.**_

"_**Mommy, what's wrong? Did Lord Tubbington throw up on your favorite sweater again?" Brittany asks, cocking her head to the side. Her mother lets out a strange sound-something between a laugh and a sob.**_

"_**It's your daddy." She whispers, and even though Brittany doesn't understand what happened, or why her mother was crying about Daddy, she knew that her mother needed a friend. So she runs to her and captures her in the tightest hug she could manage.**_

_**Her mother was right. She did know people.**_

That was the first time Brittany ever experienced a death. When she was only seven years old, her daddy had died. It was tough, and she hoped she'd never have to go through it again.

But she did. Because Rachel Berry was dead.

Brittany sighs and wipes the remainder of her tears with the back of her hand before picking up her backpack and trudging out of the choir room. Every step felt like she was running a marathon. She bit her lip to keep from crying harder. She had to be strong. Her mommy always told her she had to be strong. She made it halfway to her locker before she spotted someone she thought she'd never see again.

Rachel Berry.

Her brunette hair, her wide brown eyes, her sad smile…they never looked so good to Brittany. She let out a hysterical laugh and before she knew what she was doing, she took off running.

"Rachel!" She yells before crashing into Rachel and crushing her into the tightest hug she was capable of. "Rachel…Rachel…" Brittany didn't know it was possible to feel so happy, but she did.

"Brittany! What in god's name…I'm alright." Rachel murmurs, smoothing out Brittany's blonde hair with her small hands. The tall blonde was sobbing into her shoulder, tears soaking her shirt, but she didn't mind. She was enjoying the hug even though she didn't know what it was for.

Puck, on the other hand, just stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He cleared his throat and looked away.

Rachel gently pulls away for a second, keeping her hand intertwined with Brittany's.

"Noah, go ahead to Glee club. I'll catch up with you." She says with a forced smile. Puck's face falls from disappointment.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Rach…" He mutters, but immediately sighs once he sees the look on her face. He gives her a small smile, which she returns before he takes her books and walks to Glee club, meeting up with Sam in the process.

"C'mon, Princess." Rachel whispers to the blonde girl, who was still crying, but it was silent now. Brittany smiles. Her daddy used to call her princess.

Once Rachel leads the girl into the bathroom, she starts to get paper towels and gently wipes her face, cleaning off tears and makeup. Brittany stares at the brunette for a minute, taking in her presence for a minute before blurting something out.

"Come over my house after school today." She says. Rachel throws away the paper towels and shifts uncomfortably for a minute.

"I…I don't know if I can. Noah and I are going to hang out." She says softly, rubbing her palms together. But then she takes one look at Brittany and sees those puppy dog eyes. "You know how stubborn Noah is. Why don't you ask him?" She suggests. Brittany gives a smile and turns to leave but Rachel grabs her hand. "Not so fast. Why were you crying?"

"Lord Tubbington is sick." Brittany lies easily, swallowing the lump in her throat. Rachel hesitantly nods, and the two of them head off to Glee club.


	8. Chapter 8

She doesn't really remember when she started feeling so alone. Or numb. Or Isolated. All she knows is that those three things consume her like smoke, choking until there's nothing left of her.

Walking into Glee club made her felt horrible, even with Brittany by her side. Those twelve pair of eyes felt like they were stabbing her, judging her for who she really was. She absolutely _hated_ it.

She silently shuffled to the seat in the back of the room, ignoring the raised eyebrow from Puck, since he clearly saved a seat next to him.

Rachel tries her best to ignore the snickers and quiet remarks about her, especially coming from Quinn and Santana.

Puck clenches his jaw and tries his best to ignore the snickers and quiet remarks about her, especially because he can snap any minute.

Mr. Schue walks in, wearing his usual oblivious look on his face. It makes Rachel sick how he talks about being a family all of the time, but never acts on it. If only he'd see what her 'family' really thinks of her.

It's disgusting.

"Alright guys, so we have Santana's solo down, but we still need a group number. Any ideas?" He asks with sheet music in hand. He turns his head and looks at Rachel.

"Rachel?" He says. Every Glee member turns to look at the small girl but she only swallows and shakes her head.

That's when things get a little messy.

Mr. Schue slams his books and papers down on the piano with a scowl. "Listen Rachel, I have no idea what's up with you these days but you need to stop being such a brat!" He yells, causing Rachel to flinch. Puck's nostrils flare and he has half a mind to get up and punch the look right off of Schuester's face.

"I'm sorry; I just haven't got any ideas." Rachel whispers softly, trying to keep her chest from heaving. She _really_ doesn't want to cause a scene, defiantly not now.

"Well you are the only one these days who doesn't contribute! You haven't sung in months, you never come up with any ideas, I mean there's barely any point of having you in this club anymore!"

Rachel bites her lip and picks up her bag, trying desperately to keep her tears from falling. "You're right. I'll go." She whispers and runs out the room as fast as she can, ignoring the calls from Puck.

Once she reaches the deserted hallway, she allows the tears to fall. She leans against the tan lockers and slumps down to the floor. Rachel attempts to quiet her sobs.

She can hear Puck's frantic yelling from the choir room.

…

"What the hell do you mean I can't go talk to her?" Puck says, attempting to push Mr. Schue out of the way. But Will only stands in front of the door.

"If she wants to be a drama queen and run out of the room, fine. But we need to be a family and get to work and I'm not letting you miss Glee club today, Puck." He says firmly.

Puck gives him his best "Bitch Please" glare before stomping off to sit in the same seat Rachel was just sitting in. He does his best to ignore the soft sobbing that could be heard in the hallway while the rest of the club starts discussing group performances.

It makes Puck sick how he talks about being a family all of the time, but never acts on it. If only he'd see what his 'family' really thinks of Rachel.

It's disgusting.

…

Rachel wipes away the few tears that remained on her cheeks and sighs. She strolls over to her backpack and rummages through it until she finds exactly what she's looking for.

A razor.

Its sharpened edge glimmers, making Rachel bite her lip in anticipation. She gives a soft smile and pulls up the sleeve of her grey hoodie to her forearm before taking the metal and pressing it to her skin. The coldness of the sharp piece makes her skin crawl and she takes a deep breath before pressing down a little harder, piercing the pale skin. Red blood seeps through the straight cut and drips into the porcelain sink, temporarily staining the white surface. She frowns.

She can't feel anything.

Rachel grabs the sleeve of her hoodie and stuffs it into her mouth before letting out a loud, frustrated scream. Thankfully it's muffled by the clothing so it couldn't be heard very far.

Why can't she feel it? Why can't she feel a sting, or a whisper of a sting? She breathes out of her mouth and shakes her head. She can't give up, she needs to keep trying.

So that's exactly what she does, she keeps trying. For the remainder of the period she presses the metal down and prays for pain, but she never gets it.

….

"Puck, wait up." Brittany says softly as everybody else trudged out of the choir room. Puck slings his backpack over his shoulder and sighs.

"Listen Britt, I really need to find Rachel, so if you could just-," Puck starts, but gets cut off by the tall blonde.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Rachel. I asked her to come over my house after school today but she said it was up to you since you two already have plans. So can she?" She asks with a soft smile. Puck groans and rolls his head to the side.

Today just wasn't his day.

"I don't know, Brittany. Rachel is…Rachel's _really_ sick." He explains, trying to get through to the cheerleader.

"What do you mean? Does she have a cold? Because I'm really good at taking care of people! I make awesome soup." She replies. "My mom finally lets me use the stove by myself." She says with a proud smile.

"Uhm, no. She's just sick." He says. Then he remembers he has football practice after school that he can't really miss anyway. "You know what…fine. But only for a couple hours. I'll pick her up from your house later."

Brittany squeals and throws her arms around Puck's neck, giving him a short hug before picking up her backpack and running out of the choir room.

…..

Rachel shuffles through the hallway after her last class and stops right in front of her locker. She pulls the ugly green door open and throws her books inside before picking up her simple navy backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. She remembers how the inside of her locker used to look; with various pictures of Broadway Musical logos, polaroids of her and Finn, and gold star stickers. Now the only thing was a small mirror. Rachel peers into the mirror and frowns at her reflection.

Her dark brown hair just falls straight around her shoulders. Purple bags sit under her brown eyes and a blue bruise is slightly visible from behind her bangs. She notices that her eyes have lost that familiar twinkle and her mouth is set in a line. And that was just her face. If you rolled up the sleeves of her grey hoodie you would be able to spot various cuts and slices on her arms, some long, some short. If you removed her shirt and pants you would be able to make out several bruises, some so bad they were borderline black due to the football team's rough pushing.

What the hell happened to her?

But the saddest part was that she didn't even feel the need to change her appearance. She didn't care about her hair or her wardrobe as most girls would be. She didn't feel the need to pick out an extensive outfit for the school day. Instead she just threw on the biggest hoodie she could find and walked through the front door, praying that no one would notice her.

Rachel flinches when she feels a hand on her shoulder but quickly relaxes when she realizes it's only Puck.

"Noah." She acknowledges with a sad smile. He nods and leans against the locker next to hers.

"You okay? I didn't get the chance to see you after what happened at Glee club." He says. She doesn't miss the pause he takes before mentioning Glee.

"I'm alright. I appreciate your concern." She replies, shoving the remainder of the books she needed into her backpack before shutting her locker.

"Good. Listen, I've got football practice but Brittany said she wanted to hang out with you…so you're going to her house for now." He explains. Rachel raises an eyebrow.

"Noah, I can assure you that I don't need a babysitter." Rachel exclaims. Puck just scoffs.

"Yeah, okay. I'm not letting you out of my sight, or anybody else's for that matter. Don't do anything stupid." He says. She rolls her eyes but gives a small smile when he leans down to give her a small peck on her forehead. "I'll see you later, Rach." He murmurs and walks away.

_Don't do anything stupid._ Those words loop in her mind like a broken record. If only he knew what she did to herself earlier in the bathroom…No. He wouldn't find out. It was the only way she could try to fee pain. She _wouldn't_ let him find out.

"Hey, Rachel!" A sudden voice rings out and Rachel jumps, startled by the sudden sound. She closes her locker and comes face to face with Brittany, who looked like a child who had just opened her presents on Christmas morning.

"Hello Brittany." Rachel says with a forced smile, trying to appear casual for the blonde. Brittany pulls her hand and leads her to her car.

"This is gonna be fun!" Brittany exclaims with a smile. Rachel, however, is not so sure.


	9. Chapter 9

Rachel always loved autumn. There was something about that time of the year that made her feel like something was worth smiling about. The cool breeze would sweep its way through her long brown hair, whipping it around her face. But she felt like the season secretly resembled her: beautiful flowers that once smelt like honey turning into dead leaves, lingering on the cold ground for everybody to step on. That was exactly what she was now; somebody for everybody to step on.

She gave a small sigh and turned away from the huge window in Brittany's bedroom when she heard the cheerio walk into the room.

"Whatcha looking at?" Brittany asked, cocking her head to the side and laying out various items on her huge bed. Rachel raised an eyebrow at the random objects.

"Nothing. Just the sky." She murmurs. Brittany looks out of the window and takes note of the sky, which was a beautiful violet with traces of pink where the sun was setting. She nodded.

"It sure it beautiful. Just like you." She states before turning around, leaving Rachel dumbstruck. Did she just say she was beautiful? "Okay, so this is gonna be so much fun! What should we do first? We could watch a movie…or we could do makeovers…oh my gosh, I can paint your nails! What color do you want?" Brittany asks, motioning to a tuba wear bucket filled to the brim with a sea of colored polish. Rachel raises an eyebrow and looks away. 

"Whatever you want, Brittany." She mutters and starts to intertwine her hands. Brittany lets out an excited squeal before shuffling through the bucket, as if the color of Rachel's nails was such a big decision. She finally settles on a pretty indigo color before smiling and holding it up for Rachel to see.

"It matches the sky. So every time you look at your nails you can smile and think of how pretty the sky is. You have such a nice smile Rae." Brittany whispers. She takes one of Rachel's hands and delicately holds it in her own. She picked up the polish and unscrews the cap before swiping the brush over the nail. Rachel closes her eyes and focuses on how soft Brittany's hand is.

Too soon the comforting touch is gone and she opens her eyes and looks down to see her newly colored nails. She smiles softy at Brittany but the blonde girl just furrows her brow and scoots closer to the brunette.

"Rachel…this morning in the choir room I-," She starts, but gets cut off by somebody walking into the room.

"Hello Brittany! Who's your friend here?" The woman asks. Rachel assumes this is Brittany's mother. She notices that they have the same blonde hair and beautiful green eyes, but their noses and cheek bones look a little different.

"Hi Mommy, this is Rachel Berry." Brittany mumbles. Mrs. Piece gives a 150 kilowatt smile before pulling Rachel into the tightest hug she could manage. Rachel is surprised by the sudden contact but reluctantly returns the embrace.

"My, you're a pretty one. Much too skinny though, we have to get some food in you. Are you two hungry?" She asks. 

Rachel thinks it's unusual for somebody to show a stranger so much hospitality, but she finds comfort in this woman. She's never had a motherly figure in her life and Mrs. Pierce seems to fit the role perfectly.

"I'm fine, thank you anyways Mrs. Pierce."

"Oh please, call me mom. Mrs. Pierce is my mother in law. And between us three, I didn't much like her anyway." She jokes. Rachel gives a small smile and nods.

"Thank you…m-mom." She whispers. Brittany takes her hand and leads her so that they're sitting on the bed.

"Okay mom, you can leave now." Brittany mutters and raises an eyebrow. Mrs. Pierce takes the hint and winks at the two girls before leaving the room.

Suddenly a meow emerges from the corner of the room and Rachel looks over to see a brown fur ball slugging towards them.

"Oh, it's Lord Tubbington!" Brittany exclaims, clapping her hands and smiling. The heavy cat jumps up into Rachel's lap and curls up into a ball. The small brunette pets his head slowly, causing the animal to purr softly. "Hmm, that's strange. He absolutely hates Santana." Brittany mutters. Rachel looks up and see's Brittany's green eyes swimming with tears. "Rae, can I tell you something?" She whispers.

"Of course." Rachel replies instantly, keeping her tone quiet. Brittany nods and leans closer towards Rachel, so that they're touching.

"I think I might be…_Lebanese."_

Rachel's brow furrows and she cocks her head to the side in confusion. "What?" She asks. Brittany takes a deep breath.

"It means I like girls instead of boys. Do you…do you think that's weird?" She asks. Rachel immediately makes the connection and realizes she was trying to come out to her as a lesbian, not Lebanese, but doesn't correct the blonde.

"Brittany there's nothing weird about that. I would love you no matter if you're, er, _Lebanese,_ or not." She murmurs, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind the girl's ear. Brittany's face lights up and she smiles.

"Really?" She whispers. Rachel nods and she lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding. "Okay, well…I think I'm in love with Santana. But I don't really want to love her if she's going to be mean to people all of the time."

"Britt, we can't choose the ones we love. And Santana isn't mean. She's just…misunderstood."

"So you wouldn't be mad at me if I asked her out? I mean, I know she's mean to you sometimes…" Brittany asks. Rachel shakes her head.

"I could never be mad at you."

…..

"Dude, come the fuck on!" Karofsky yells as Puck drops the ball for what seemed like the millionth time today. Puck narrows his eyes and glares at the other boy.

"Calm the hell down." Puck hisses. Coach Bieste steps up between the two boys.

"Puckerman, what the hell is your problem today?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. Karofsky scoffs.

"He's been spending too much with that slut, Berry." He sneers. Puck steps up and pushes Karofsky, who stumbles back.

"I thought I already told you to stop talking about her like that. But if the message didn't get through I'll be glad to kick that fucking jaw of yours." He spits. Bieste pulls the two apart.

"Stop! Either you two get your heads in the game or I'll find two other players for the championship." She threatens. Puck and Karofsky sigh and get back in their positions for the next play.

He can't stop thing about her.

No matter how hard he tries, he can't stop. Images of her beautiful yet lifeless eyes fill his vision. Memories of her lying on the bathroom floor with blood dripping out of her arms, crying her eyes out…

He's pulled out of his thoughts when he looks up to see Bieste standing above him. He never moved, even when they called the play.

"You alright, son? You don't look so good." She mutters, putting her hand on his shoulder. He gives a hesitant nod and she pulls back. "Alright everybody, take five." She yells, and the team sighs in appreciation. She walks away and pulls out her clipboard. Karofsky trudges up to Puck.

"What the fuck is your sudden interest in the hobbit?" He asks. Puck balls his fists and forces himself to calm down.

"Listen, I'm gonna tell you this one more time. You don't fucking talk to her like that. You hear me? And I swear to God if you touch her again like you did this morning, you'll be sorry." He spits before walking away.

Rachel Berry was going to be the death of him.

…..

Rachel pulled out her phone while Brittany was using the bathroom and sighed. It was almost seven thirty. She loved Brittany, she really did, but she felt like she needed to talk to somebody besides her.

She wanted to talk to somebody who actually understood what she was going through. Who actually faced the same problems and perhaps felt alone, too. Brittany walked into the room and sat on the bed.

"Brittany, uhm, Puck just texted me. He said he was going to be late from practice and that I could just walk home." She lies easily, praying to God that she believed her. Brittany frowned.

"Oh. Are you sure you want to walk home? It's kind of cold out there…" She mutters. Rachel nods and stands up.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." She explains. They walk down the stairs and before she could open the front door, Brittany wraps her up in a hug.

"Goodbye, Rae. I love you." She murmurs against her brown hair. Rachel closes her eyes and blinks back tears, watching as the brunette shut the front door.

When she's about a block away from Brittany's house, she pulls out her phone and dials the one number she could count on. Noah wouldn't be happy…but she didn't care.

"Hello?" The voice on the other side said. Rachel bites her lip and blinks back tears.

"Kurt? Can we talk?"


	10. Chapter 10

**(A/N: Sorry I couldn't put this up sooner. My internet went down because of Hurricane Irene. )**

Kurt playfully pushes his coffee back and forth between his hands. He definitely was not excepting the call from Rachel to meet him there, but something in her voice; something in the way that she sounded told him that it was an emergency.

His head snaps up and he smiles when he hears the little jingle of the coffee shop door. But when he actually s_ees_ Rachel, his smile quickly turns into a frown. The first thing he notices is that she's not wearing a skirt with those ridiculous knee high socks. Her hair isn't curled, (or even brushed for that matter) it pretty much just falls down her back. The hoodie she was wearing was three times her size, and she looked to be even smaller then he remembered. She trudges over to him, as if the five second walk from the door to the table was such a long distance. Plus, the small wince noise she made when she sat down didn't go unnoticed.

"Well if it isn't Barbara Streisand." Kurt jokes with a small smile. He waits for her to return the gesture, to giggle, but she only looks at her hands. "I ordered you a coffee. But I made sure it wasn't too hot, so that it wouldn't damage your vocal chords."

And for the first time, she swings her gaze up and meets his eyes. Kurt can easily see the hurt, the pain, the complete and utter _misery_ in them as he swallows the thick lump in his throat. "Thanks." She murmurs, taking a sip of the coffee.

"So, what's new?" He asks, toying with the navy scarf wrapped fashionably around his neck. She bites her lip and looks away.

"Uhm, we'll get to me later. What's Dalton like? How're you and Blaine?" She asks softy. Had he not been right across from her, he probably wouldn't have heard what she asked.

"We're fabulous, thank you. He's so sweet. You know he actually got me lady gaga tickets for my birthday?" He gushes with a smile. Rachel nods. "And Dalton is just as amazing. All though I must say, I do miss McKinley."

"I'm glad things are working out for you." She says with a forced smile. Kurt's smile drops and he leans a little over the table.

"So, what'd you want to talk about? Assuming that you called me at 7:45 on a Thursday night, this isn't your regular 'catch up'."

Rachel takes a deep breath and looks around the small coffee shop, trying to distract herself. "I actually wanted to ask you something." He gives a small nod and reaches for his coffee. "When you were in McKinley…how did you deal with all of the bullying? Like, how did you ignore it?" She whispers.

This was not at all what he expected. He thought she was going to ask something about Glee, or what solo to sing. He hesitantly swallows the mouthful of coffee he has before raising an eyebrow.

"Bullying? You've never had a problem with it before." He exclaims. She sighs.

"Yeah, well let's just say my first attempt didn't work out too well."

"Well, what was your first attempt?"

She didn't want to lie to him. She just didn't. There was something in his eyes, something in his smile that made her want to trust him. Kurt's head was slightly cocked to the side, his green/blue eyes swimming with concern. This was it. It was now or never. Rachel looks down at her lap and closes her eyes.

"I…I tried to kill myself." She mutters, trying to keep her voice as low as possible.

Kurt's eyes went as wide as saucers. His breath hitched in his throat. His heart stopped.

"_What?"_ He hisses, leaning over the table so far that Rachel thought his coffee was going to spill over. She winces and looks up at him, trying desperately not to cause a scene.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers, and Kurt's heart nearly breaks when he sees the single tear running down her cheek.

….

"What the hell do you mean she's not here?" Puck spits, looking at Brittany with angry eyes. She shrugs nonchalantly.

"You texted her saying she could walk home. So I let her walk home."

Puck takes a deep breath and nods, trying desperately not to freak out. He gives a small nod and walks out of the house, ignoring the blonde's offer for a hug goodbye. The second he gets into his car, he snatches his phone out of his jacket and dials Rachel's number.

It goes straight to voicemail.

"God Damnit, Rachel!" He yells, hitting his steering wheel before driving off.

…..

"Okay, details, _now." _Kurt demands. He had forced her to move to his side of the booth after she made her confession so that they were sitting side by side. Rachel sighs.

"It's just…I walk through the halls _everyday_ trying so hard to ignore the rude comments, the horribly inappropriate slurs, the hateful remarks….but I can't act like they're nothing. When you left, it was like everyone decided that I was a much easier target. Did you know that Karofsky gave me a black eye the other day? And nobody even noticed. Nobody ever seemed to notice when I was hurt, or when I'm dying inside. So I just…gave up. I wrote a letter to the Glee club, and I made a little note for everyone. Even you." She whispers. She looks down and notices that Kurt had intertwined their hands some point in her little 'speech'.

"What'd mine say?" He asks. Rachel smiles softly.

"To Kurt: I'm sorry I embarrassed you with my horrid fashion. You're an amazing person, Kurt. You and Blaine are adorable together. Ignore Karofsky, because you'll be big someday Hummel." She recites. Rachel looks up to see a small tear running down his face.

"Thank you." He whispers. She nods.

"So, I wrote my suicide note and left it in the choir room. Puck apparently found it after trying to retrieve his forgotten sweater, and he found me…in my house…lying on my floor, with my wrists slit." Kurt swallows the lump in his throat and Rachel desperately tries to keep in her sobs. Kurt gently wipes away a few of her tears.

"Hey, go in the bathroom and get cleaned up. I'm going to take you to my house and you can finish the rest of the story there, okay?" He says softly.

"But...Finn?"

"He's out with Quinn. It'll be just us, I promise."

She nods and he watches as she takes small, slow steps to the restroom. He tries to push his own tears back before a noise erupts his thoughts. He picks up Rachel's phone and raises an eyebrow at the caller I.D before pressing the answer button.

"Oh my fucking god, where the hell are you? I've been looking all over for you and you wouldn't answer your god damn phone. I'm so fucking pissed at you. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Puck, calm down. It's Kurt."

"Kurt? Why do you have Rachel's phone?" Puck pauses and groans. "She didn't…"

"She did." Kurt confirms. "She called me, asking me to meet her at the Lima Bean. So I did, and she told me everything. I'm taking her to my house. Pick her up in, say, two hours?" He asks, although both Puck and Kurt know it's not a question. 

"Whatever man. Just make sure she doesn't do anything stupid." Puck warns.

"Will do." Kurt says with a smile before hanging up. He looks up to see Rachel standing there. "C'mon." He murmurs, taking her hand and grabbing her backpack before walking out of the coffee shop. He leads her to his car and immediately turns on the heat. "God, you're freezing. Did you walk here?" He asks.

"Yeah. I was at Brittany's house and I lied to her, saying Puck texted me that I could walk home. But I called you instead." She explains. He nods.

"Alright, well can you tell the rest of the story?"

Rachel takes a deep breath and looked out of the window. "He found me in my bathroom with my wrists slit. I tried to kill myself, but I just couldn't. And I can't figure out why I didn't because it's all I think about anymore. Anyway, he found me and we, er, had a bit of an argument. He said he wouldn't tell anybody because I would be sent an institution, but he's not letting me out of his sight. I'm staying at his house until I get 'better'." She exclaims, using her fingers to make air quotations. Kurt turns off the engine when they pull up into his driveway and leads her into the house before taking her hand.

"Rachel…why on earth didn't you tell me about this earlier?" He asks, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Because I'm scared." Rachel whimpers, blinking back tears. Kurt stares at her for a moment.

"But you're not alone."

Those words mean more to her than he can possibly imagine.

He watches her walls crumple down and pulls her into a hug, not even bothering to care that her tears were staining his favorite Alexander McQueen jacket. Kurt winces when he hears Rachel's sobs intensify, but he just squeezes the girl even tighter to him.

Then, out of no-where, she just flings herself out of his embrace and starts ranting while Kurt sat there and listened to it all.

"I don't understand what's so wrong about me that they feel the need to pick on me every single day! What is it about me? Because I try, I try so fucking hard to just go by unnoticed! Did you know I haven't actually sung in four months? I've just been passing the solos on to Mercedes and Santana…and I try to just blend in with everybody else but it seems to be Santana and Quinn's life mission to make my life a living hell. And I just don't understand! Glee club is a fucking joke, you know? They tell you to be yourself and then they judge you. What's so bad about me?" She buries her head in her hands and cries. Kurt sits there unmoving for a second, eyes wide and mouth open in shock for many reasons. One, did Rachel just say that she hadn't sung in four months? Two, Rachel Berry just cursed…which was so unlike her. Three, he realized how right she was about Glee club. It really was a joke.

"Hey, hey. Stop that." Kurt says, taking her hands away from her face and forcing her to look at him. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You can't go around and blame this stuff on yourself, Rach. I know you think that there's nobody who cares about you're wrong. I know how it feels, God help me, I do. I've been that kid that sits by their locker and prays that somebody will actually notice bruise on my face and help me. I've been the one that has to dissect their frog alone because nobody wants to be my lab partner. I've been that kid that feels like there's not a single person in this world who loves me. But you know what? I was wrong. And so are you. Rachel, just because Santana and Quinn and Karofsky get their kicks and giggles out of harassing you does not mean that you are worthless, or stupid, or anything they tell you. Puck cares about you. Brittany cares about you. Rachel, I care about you." He whispers, intertwining her hand with his. She looks at him and swallows.

"Why did it take death for them to finally notice, then? Why couldn't anybody see that I was hurting? Because it really isn't a secret, Karofsky hits me in front of everyone and nobody, not even the teachers notice." She explains. Kurt feels anger bubbling up inside of himself. He's angry at the school for not noticing. He's angry at the Glee club for doing this to her. But he's also angry at himself for not noticing any of this himself.

"You know…before I transferred to Dalton, I got picked on too. That wasn't a secret. But nobody in Glee club really made a move to help me. Not even Finn and he's my brother!" Kurt exclaims, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "But one person told me something that made me realize that even though my life was shitty, I wasn't alone. You know who that person was?" He asks, before pressing a finger to her nose and smiling. "It was you."

"And then I moved, and I met Blaine. And he showed me that I could actually be loved. He loves me _because_ of who I am, not _in spite_ of who I am. Rachel I know it's hard, but one day you're gonna meet somebody who is going to make you feel beautiful, and perfect, and he's going to love you with everything he's got. But you can't give up. I didn't give up, and I'm sure as hell not letting you give up either."

She pulls her hand away and tugs the sleeve of her hoodie up, ignoring the questioning look from her fellow diva before traces the cuts on her arms with a painted fingernail.

"Have you ever cried? Just sat there and cried…cried because you're ugly. Cried because you're worthless. Cried because you really just want to be noticed….but you want to blend in at the same time?" Rachel shows him his arm and he takes it gently, staring at the two deep cuts in the center of her wrists. He was wide eyed.

"These look new." He whispers, staring at new slices towards the top of her wrists. She nods.

"I did them today. During Glee club…Mr. Schue got mad because I wasn't contributing so he kicked me out….I went to the bathroom and did this."

"W-why?"

"I want to feel something, I guess." She murmurs, looking at the floor. Kurt looks at her intently.

"Did you? Feel anything, I mean?"

Rachel looks up at him and he almost grimaces, seeing the fury in her eyes.

"No."

Kurt nods and looks back down at her arm. "You said Puck was helping you?"

"Well…yeah. I mean he's not really letting me out of his sight, or he won't now that I pissed him off. But he tries to get me to 'talk about it', whatever 'it' is. I guess he's helped a little bit. He just doesn't want to tell anyone because he thinks they'll put me away if he does."

He raises an eyebrow. "I think they would, you're pretty bad. No offense or anything. I'm just worried; I don't want you to hurt yourself. And these don't look so good, Rach." He murmurs, tracing the cuts and looking up when he hears her wince. "Let me take care of these for you."

Kurt gets up and goes to his bathroom, finding his first aid kit and bringing out so that he can clean and bandage her cuts. After he does that, they just side by side on his couch.

"So…you really haven't sung in four months?" He asks. She nods.

"I just stopped, everyone in Glee club complained I sang too much, and I guess I didn't find it appealing anymore." Kurt glares at his hands, wondering how the Glee club could've been so rude to you.

"But…Rachel Berry without singing is like…Fanny Brice without Nick Arnsteen!" He argues, earning a small smile from Rachel.

"I don't know if you noticed, but Fanny and Nick broke up at the end." She points out, leaning her head against his shoulder. Kurt chuckles.

"You'll sing again, Rach. I know you will."

When she falls asleep, he gets up and rummages through her backpack, trying to find a certain object. He finally finds it and holds it up.

A razor.

He cocked his head to the side and hissed it easily cut his finger. "Damn, this is sharp." He murmurs before putting it in his pocket.

Kurt sits there for a while, stealing a glance from Rachel every few minutes, just wondering. Wondering how Rachel got so damaged, wondering how Glee club got so mean, wondering how Karofsky got away with what he did. He's in the middle of a deep thought when he hears a knock at the door. He goes over and opens the door.

"Puck." He greets, opening the door to let the mohawked teenager through. Puck stares at him for a second.

"Where is she?"

"Asleep on the couch, listen we need to talk for a minute." Kurt explains, guiding him to the living room. Puck takes a seat next to Rachel's sleeping form while Kurt settles for the opposing couch. "Okay, so I understand that you want to help her, trust me, I do too. But do you really think you're capable of turning her into the old Rachel Berry? Because she's pretty far gone…" Kurt murmurs, shooting a sympathetic glance at the sleeping girl.

"Look, I know I'm not the, like, most helping guy out there, but with Rachel, I feel different. I just want to hold her, and like…protect her from stuff…" Kurt nods and raises an eyebrow, holding an amused expression.

"Okay, sounds like you love her." He explains, chuckling a bit. Puck's eyes widen and he shakes his head.

"What? No, no I don't love her. I care about her. As a friend. We're just friends." Puck says, but Kurt can't help but pick up a feeling of disappointment in his voice.

"Hmm…whatever you say." Kurt teases with a smile, but instantly becomes serious. He stands up and rummages through his pocket, digging out the razor and handing it the Puck. "I found this in her backpack. She did it during Glee club apparently? The cuts are really bad, but I cleaned them." He explains. Puck stares at him for a moment, shocked before turning to Rachel and lifting her hoodie sleeve, revealing gauze covered wrist. He groans.

"God Damnit, Rachel."

"I know you care about her Puck. But be rational. Do you _really _you can get her back?" The pale boy asks, playing with his hands. Puck scowls.

"You make it sound like a punishment, Hummel. I want to do this for her. You can't go telling anybody this, got it?" Puck threatens.

"I'm not going to tell anybody, Puck. I just want to be sure. But if you really want to do it then we need to get something straight. I need to see her. I don't care how we do it, like weekly, or whatever. But I _need_ to see her and see that she's doing better. And you need to promise me that if this doesn't work, we'll get her help."

Puck considers this for a moment, but when he sees the look on Kurt's face, he realizes that it wasn't a discussion to begin with, and any argument he had, he would've lost.

"Okay."

Puck stands up, scooping Rachel up in the process and walks over to the door.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I...uhm….Thank you."

Kurt smiles. "Just take care of her, okay?"

"No, I'm gonna throw her out to a pack of wild wolves. Of course I'm gonna take care of her." Puck teases. Kurt rolls his eyes and lets them out, waving to Puck before shutting the door and letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

Then, he walks into the living room and turns on "Funny Girl", falling asleep with a smile on his face. Rachel was going to be okay.

He was sure of it.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I'm SO sorry for not putting this up sooner. I just started school and needed to get settled and what not. I promise I'll update more often.**

Puck sat on one of the couches in the living room, staring at the petite Brunette across from him. After he drove her back to his place, she had woken up. Now they were just sitting in silence.

"I'm really mad at you." Puck says quietly, glaring at Rachel. She looked at her lap and sighed.

Rachel doesn't really know what to say. She could give a long explanation. She could throw an insult. She could just ignore him. But all of those things were pointless. So she just settled with something basic. "I'm sorry."

He leans forward, his eyes softening. "You could've been hurt. I was scared, Rach. You didn't even answer your phone!" he says, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Look, if I told you what I was doing, you would've stopped me." She explains. He rolls his eyes.

"Your right. The more people know about this, the bigger chance you have to be put away!" He hisses. Rachel takes a deep breath and scowls.

"We can trust Kurt, Noah. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me." She says. He laughs.

"You don't know that."

"He was the closest thing I ever had to a friend. I can trust him. I _will_ trust him. No offense, and excuse me for my language, but I don't give a _fuck_ if you trust him or not. Because I do, and that's enough for me." She replied, looking away with a small huff.

Puck couldn't keep the smirk from dancing across his lips. She was starting to act like the old Rachel Berry who he thought he'd never see again. And he loved it. He stood up and plopped down next to her, nudging her shoulder with his.

"Look babe," Puck paused, searching for the right words, "It's not that I don't trust Kurt. It's just that there's a bigger chance somebody could slip up if more people know."

She nods and gives a small smile, thinking about how he just called her babe, before standing up and heading to the kitchen. Puck grins, but it instantly falls.

"Whoa, whoa, wait. I forgot something." He says. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the razor he had been given earlier. Rachel's eyes go as wide as saucers.

"Where…where did you get that?" She stutters, her breath hitching.

"Kurt gave it to me. Apparently he rummaged through your backpack or some shit. 'Told me what you did during Glee club today." Puck narrows his eyes and glares at her. She looks at it for a moment and then makes a move to grab it, but he pulls it out of her reach and wraps an arm around her waist.

"Give it back! I need it! Give it!" She shrieks, flailing her arms around. Puck winces at the look of determination on her face.

"Calm down! Jesus, calm down, Rach!" He yells. "It's just a damn razor!"

Suddenly she stops moving and pulls out of his embrace, pacing back and forth.

"It's…it's not just a damn razor! It's my _lifeline, _Noah. I need it. Please, you don't understand! If I don't cut, I won't be able to know if I feel pain…I need to try and without the razor I can't! Please, just…please!" Rachel swallows, staring at the item in his hand as if it were made of gold.

Puck just stands there and looks her up and down. Here he was, standing with a razor in his hand. And there she was, fucking _begging_ for it, claiming it was her lifeline.

"Rachel…you don't need this." He whispers, slowly walking over to the trashcan and dropping it in. She looks at him with this look of desperation, with this look of pure and utter _misery_ that it makes him want to kill everybody that's ever done anything to her. He takes a step forward and puts his hands on her shoulders, looking straight in her eyes. But he's disappointed when she jerks backwards. "Rae…"

"It's been a long night. I'm going to bed if you don't mind." She mutters, stepping onto the first step on the staircase and giving Noah a long glance before trudging up.

He sighed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be _Rachel. _Annoying, ambitious, dramatic _Rachel._ And he was supposed to be badass, heartless, rebellious _Puck._ In McKinley high, people like Puck didn't associate with people like Rachel. It just didn't happen.

But Puck couldn't stay away from her. It was like that lame, yet incredibly depressing invisible tether speech Ms. Sylvester had given at her sister's funeral. He felt connected to Rachel somehow, like being with her was the most natural feeling in the world.

Puck shakes his head and sighs before slumping back on the couch and falling asleep, thinking of Rachel.

….

Blaine knew Kurt.

They'd been dating for a little over a year now, and he knew Kurt better than the diva knew himself. He knew that Kurt was allergic to mushrooms. He knew that Kurt loathed Thursdays. . He knew that Kurt was a sucker for John Mayer.

So, naturally, he also knew when something was wrong.

The two boys had been studying in Blaine's dorm for about an hour now. The lead soloist kept glancing up at his boyfriend, only to find his blue eyes unfocused on the work in front of him. Blaine's eyebrows furrow and he leans across the desk to take Kurt's hand in his.

"What's wrong?"

Kurt's eyes glance upwards when he feels a warm hand intertwine with his. "Nothing, Blaine. I guess I'm just tired."

Blaine gives a sad smile. "No, when you're tired, you complain a lot. You've been awfully quiet tonight." He explains, his thumb lightly brushing over Kurt's knuckles. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Kurt swallows the lump in his throat and drops his pen. (Which was tastefully covered in little rhinestones). He opens his mouth to respond to his boyfriend, but nothing but an exhausted sigh comes out.

"Whoa, are you feeling alright?" Blaine asks, leaning further to press a hand to his forehead.

"Blaine…It's nothing. Really. I've really got to get this algebra homework done, so…" Kurt trails off as Blaine pulls away his binder and ignores the subject change.

"Is it Karofsky again?"

His voice was deadly calm, and Kurt knew that he was trying not to let his anger seep through. Kurt tightens his pale fingers around Blaine's and offers a weak smile.

"No. He hasn't done anything to me." Kurt assures. Blaine nods and he feels the anger float away when he sees the smile on his gorgeous boyfriend's face.

"I'm sorry…I just can't bear the thought of you getting hurt." 

"I know. But you've got nothing to worry about." Kurt murmurs. Blaine returns his binder and the two return to their work.

Kurt closes his eyes for a moment and lets out a silent breath. It had only been a day since he'd learn what happened to Rachel, and he was dying to tell Blaine. Mostly because Blaine _understood_ him. They've both went through the same triumphs, and he felt like he could trust Blaine more than he could trust anyone in the whole world. He felt something wet slide off of his chin and land on his algebra book with a soft splat.

"Kurt? Why are you crying?" Blaine asks, immediately leaping out of his chair and crossing to the other side of the desk so that he could wrap his arms around the sobbing boy. "Shhh, it's alright."

And Kurt feels so utterly _stupid and childish_ letting out choked cries into his boyfriend's chest, but a tiny sliver of him finally feels relieved. He smiles and gently rolls his eyes at the soft reassurances Blaine was murmuring into the shell of his ear. Kurt pulls away and wipes away the remainder of his tears, even though new ones keep coming. And he looks at Blaine, whose face just reads pure concern, and bites his lip.

"Blaine…can you keep a secret?"

…

Rachel takes a deep breath as she pulls her locker open and reaches for the books she needed for the day. Noah hadn't said a word to her this morning; they'd just gotten ready for school and drove in silence. Now, she stood in silence in front of the tan locker alone, with her books in her hand, ready for her classes. She subconsciously stares at her indigo nails, the corner of her mouth twitching into a weak smile as she remembered the bubbly blonde who'd done them for her. She looks up when she feels a pair of eyes on her.

"Hey." Puck says softly. Rachel takes a deep breath and offers Puck a fraction of a smile.

"Hello, Noah."

"Ready to go to Glee club?" She swallows the lump in her throat and nods. Puck holds his hand out and she stares at it for a moment with a raised eyebrow before letting her hand intertwine with his.

They walk through the cluttered hallways together in content silence, allowing the loud conversations, locker slamming, and a few (innapropriate) slurs to fill their ears. When the two singers get close to the choir room, Rachel feels a hand press down on her books and she looks to see them scattered across the floor, several kids kicking them far away without even realizing.

"Whore." Karofsky mutters as he walks past with a smirk. Puck sees red and before Rachel has time to stop him, he's got the football jock pinned to the floor, landing several perfect punches on his jaw.

"Noah! Stop it, get off of him!" She yells, weakly grabbing at his bicep. Puck growls and Karofsky socks him in the face.

"I told you twice, you fucking douchebag. _Twice._ I shouldn't have to tell you again to leave her the hell alone." Puck hisses, proving his point by adding yet another punch.

"What the hell is going on over here?" Coach Sylvester shrieks, marching over to the two boys with a sneer on her face. She easily rips Puck off of Karofsky and holds them by arm's length. "Stupid teenage delinquents. In my office, NOW." She spits, pushing the two boys in the direction of her cheerio office. Puck gives Rachel an apologetic look and walks down the halls, glaring at Karofsky the whole time.

Rachel takes a deep breath and humiliatingly picks up her books before walking into the choir room, alone. Brittany is sitting next to Santana, and gives a small wave to Rachel. Santana just glares at the diva with a cross of her arms. Rachel sighs and trots over to the seat in the back of the room.

"Good morning, guys! Alright, so we-," He pauses once he sees Rachel. "Rachel. And why are you here? In order to be in the choir room, you have to be a member of the Glee club."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"I kicked you out yesterday, remember?" He asks. "Oh, alright. I'll allow you to audition again. Come on up, sing a song, and you can stay."

"Mr. Schue, that's really not fair…" Mike says, his face contorted in shock. "Why does she have to sing? We already know she's amazing." Rachel feels a small smile tug on her lips.

"It's mandatory for every member to audition. Now c'mon, let's go." Mr. Schue says with a clap of his hands. Rachel hesitantly climbs out of her seat and stands in the middle of the room. With a motion of his head, the band starts to play the familiar opening to Katy's Perry's hit single "Firework." Normally, Rachel would've been gushing over the song. Now she absolutely despised it.

Several pairs of eyes watched her. Raised eyebrows shot up. Rachel felt the sudden urge to vomit, and it took everything she had to even stand on her own two feet without falling over. She opens her mouth to sing the first line, but nothing comes out. The band continues with the song with confusion spread across their faces.

And she's trying. Trying so hard to force the words out of her mouth. Trying so hard to imagine Noah sitting there, giving her an encouraging nod. Trying so hard to block out the whispered comments of her fellow glee clubbers. Rachel lets out a choked sob and before she knows what's going on, she's running down the hallway. Her converse slap against the floor, filling the silence. She closes her eyes, but as she turns the corner, she runs into a body.

"I'm sorry…" She whispers through her sobs, attempting to move out of the way and get to her car. But the other person just softly grabs her arm.

"Rachel…what's the matter?"

…

"No. There's no way! Are we talking about the same Rachel?" Blaine asks, pacing in front of his bed. Kurt nods and wipes away a stray tear with the back of his hand.

"Yes, Blaine. Rachel Berry tried to kill herself." Kurt whispers. "Puck found her, and he's helping her now. You can't tell anyone. You know that, right?"

Blaine sighs and grabs his head. "Kurt…this is serious."

"I know. But I don't think we'd be doing her any good by telling an adult." Kurt reasons.

And Blaine knows this is true. He just can't imagine Rachel sitting in a dull hospital in one of those boring hospital gowns with several identity bands around her wrists. He just can't.

"Can I see her?" He asks. Kurt nods and pats the spot on the bed next to him. Blaine immediately complies, wrapping his arms around Kurt and pulling them down so that his head was on Blaine's chest.

"I'll text Puck and see if she can come over my house tomorrow. Maybe we can grab some coffee. He's not going to be happy with me, though. Since I told you." 

"And Rachel?"

"She probably won't mind. She loves you." Kurt says softly. Blaine nods his head and the two just lay there in silence. A couple minutes pass until Blaine see's Kurt's shoulders shake and feels his shirt get wet from tears. He sits up and takes Kurt's face in his hands.

"What's the matter, love?" He asks.

"I can't believe she did this. I should've been a better friend to her. I should've stopped the Glee club. I should've done something. I should've…I should've…"

"Kurt, stop. You didn't know any of this was going on. Don't blame yourself. Please, don't." Blaine whispers, kissing one of Kurt's tears away.

"I could've done something!" Kurt says loudly, his voice cracking at the last word. Blaine swallows.

"From what you told me about yesterday, you've been the best friend that she ever could've asked for. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up for this, sweetheart. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. This is not in any way _your_ fault." Blaine whispers. Kurt nods, but lets out a sob. Blaine sighs and pulls Kurt back into his arms, gently rocking him back and forth as Kurt cries in his chest. He doesn't let Kurt see the single tear that falls from his eyes.

That's how they fall asleep, entangled in each other's arms.

….

Emma Pillsbury was a very observant person.

It was a rather good trait to have at times. For example, she was really good at telling whether or not a person was lying. In fact, it was like a second nature to her. She could see the sliver of guilt in their eyes. The ways they move their hands and advert their gaze were also big give-a-ways.

Observation was something that every good guidance counselor needed. It was a way to be able to decipher a problem without the person even having to mention it.

Emma walked through the silent hallways, her small red heels clunking against the tile floor. Her pencil skirt is smoothed out and her blouse without a single wrinkle. She feels good. That is, until she runs into a sobbing mess.

"I'm sorry." The girl whispers, attempting to step to the side and leave. Emma grabs her arm and looks her in the face.

"Rachel? What's the matter?"

Rachel opens her eyes and lets out another sob, unable to answer the guidance counselor's question. Emma just softly leads her back to her office and sets her down in the chair across from her desk before sitting down in her own.

"Why are you crying?" Emma asks gently. Rachel chokes back a sob.

"I'm scared." She whispers. Emma notices the sadness in her eyes and stifles a gasp.

"Of what? What are you scared of?"

Rachel searches for the right words. "Myself. I'm scared of myself." Rachel sobs again and she feels like she's going to pass out. "I need…Noah. Please, I need Noah."

Emma swallows and stands up. "I'll get him for you. Just wait here, I'll get him for you." She runs through the hallway and stops at Ms. Sylvester's office before cracking the door and peering inside.

"What do you need, ginger?" Sue asks, sarcasm dripping in her voice. Emma resists the urge to scowl.

"I need Puck." She says. Sue raises an eyebrow.

"We're in the middle of a conversation here."

"You don't understand. I need Puck. Now." She demands. Puck shoots her a questioning glance. "It's Rachel."

Puck immediately stands up and crosses over to the door, ignoring Sue's protests. Emma leads him down the hallway and into her office, where Rachel Berry is still sobbing in the chair.

"Rach? What's the matter?" He asks, kneeling in front of Rachel and taking her hands. She shakes her head, too emotional to answer. He turns to Emma. "Can I take her home?"

"Of course. Go to the office and ask for a pass for the rest of the day." Emma replies. Puck stands up, gently pulling Rachel up with him, and snakes an arm around her waist. He half carries her to the office, and they sign out for the rest of the day. When the two reach his car, he places a comforting hand on her knee.

"Please, talk to me." Puck pleads.

"I can't do this. I can't." Rachel whimpers. Fat tears roll down her face.

"Do what, babe?"

"This! Life! I don't know, I just can't do it anymore!" She yells. Puck groans and rolls his head to the side.

"You've been doing better. Don't give up now." He reasons.

"Better? BETTER? Yeah, because cutting myself is progress!" She screams. Puck flinches but keeps his hand on his knee. Rachel's tone softens. "I…I'm just tired. Please, take me home. Please."

So Puck complies and the two drive home in silence, the only thing to be heard were the soft sniffles Rachel was making. When he gets to his house she immediately runs to his room and falls on his bed. He stares at her for a minute, questioning whether to leave or not. Imagine his surprise when she grabs his hand.

"Hold me. Please."

So he does. He crawls into bed next to her and hesitantly wraps an arm around her, giving her time to pull away. But she just rolls over and buries her face into his chest. They stay like that for a while, him just listening to the sound of her breathing. That is, until he hears the vibrating of his phone. He groans.

"Hello?"

"Okay…so don't get mad at me. I may or may not have told Blaine about Rachel." Kurt mutters over the phone. Puck's eyes widen.

"What?" He hisses.

Shit. Just what he needed.

**A/N: Sorry for the horrible ending to the chapter. Couldn't think of any other way. But OMG Klaine! So adorable **


	12. Chapter 12

"Okay, so don't get mad at me. I may or may not have told Blaine about Rachel." Kurt mutters over the phone. Puck's eyes widen.

"What?" He hisses

Shit. Just what he needed.

"Well…I didn't mean to. We were studying and all I could think about was Rachel and I was worried and Blaine could see right through my 'I'm fine' lies, so I kind of had to tell him and then he freaked out a bit and...-"

"_Kurt."_ Puck says through clenched teeth.

"He was really mad at first. Well not mad as in 'I want to punch her in the face' mad, but mad as in 'I want to punch _something_ in the face'. You catch my drift? Anyways so after he calmed down…-"

"Kurt." Puck says a little louder. Kurt was known for rambling whenever he was the slightest bit nervous.

"I kindly explained that you were taking care of her, and he softened a little bit but now he's like REALLY worried, which I mean he has every right to be, so I was just wondering if-"

"KURT! SHUT THE HELL UP!" Puck yells, detangling himself from the small brunette sleeping next to him. He leans against the doorframe and sighs.

"Oh god, I totally just did a Rachel Berry rant, didn't it? Sorry." Kurt apologizes. Puck narrows his eyes and clutches the phone.

"Did you think about how this is gonna affect Rachel?"

"Relax, Blaine promised not to tell. And she loves Blaine; I really doubt she'll be mad."

"I'm fucking pissed at you." 

"Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to pick her up around 8, and Blaine and I are going to take her out to get some coffee." Kurt explains. Puck rolls his eyes at his demanding orders.

"What about me? Am I not invited to your little funfest?" Puck asks. Kurt snorts.

"Why? So you can punch Blaine in the face every time he asks Rachel a question? I'll pass." Kurt pauses to check the time. "I'm coming to get her in like, half an hour. Make sure she's ready."

Puck hangs up the phone and strides over to the sleeping brunette before gently pushing her shoulder. She murmurs silly nonsense before sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Mmm, what?" She whines, clearly enjoying her moments of sleep.

"You've got a date with your gaybies."

"Kurt and Blaine? Why?"

"Kurt told Blaine about you." Puck says with roll of his eyes. "God, that boy doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut." He looks over at Rachel and raises an eyebrow. "You don't seem surprised."

"I can't say that I am." Rachel shrugs, getting up to get ready.

Puck crosses his arms and shifts his weight. "And why is that?"

"Oh c'mon, those two are attached at the hip. I swear you could practically feel the love between them even when they're a mile away." She mutters. Rachel ties her hair into a ponytail, not even bothering to brush it first, before reaching down and grabbing one of Puck's sweatshirts. She pulls it around her body and zips the maroon piece up.

"Why aren't you mad, though?" Puck asks. If anybody asked, no, he was not in the slightest attracted to how Rachel looked while wearing his clothes. Nope. Not at all…

"I don't know. I guess it's because Blaine never made me feel horrible…he's never teased me or anything." She explains. Puck winces.

"I've teased you. For years, I might add." Those words roll off of his tongue slowly, and he hates the sound of them.

Rachel pauses in the middle of tying one of her sneakers. She looks up, and meets the two pairs of eyes across from her. The look in his eyes, the slight sheet of hurt is enough to make her lose her breath. Weird, she never noticed how beautiful his eyes were before.

"It's different. I trust you now." She replies softly, standing up and adverting her gaze.

"But I was horrible to you. We all were." He reasons.

"Believe it or not, I don't blame you. I don't blame Quinn. I don't blame Santana. Hell, I don't even blame Mr. Schuester. I…I've never really fit into Glee club." Rachel admits. She swallows the lump in her throat while Puck lets out a disbelieving chuckle.

"But didn't you like, invent Glee club? How could've you not fit in?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes. It wasn't easy to find the words. "Think about it, Noah. Who wants to pair up with me when it comes to duets? Who wants to help me through the dance moves when I don't understand them? Who wants my two cents when it comes to our costumes during competition? Who _honestly _enjoys listening to my solos? Nobody really ever liked me in Glee. Finn only ever paired up with me because he was my boyfriend." She pauses and Puck grimaces when he hears his ex-best friend's name come out of her mouth. "You know, I see everybody in Glee talk about how they've got it so rough. How their life is so horrible, and nobody notices. But hey, nobody noticed when Karofsky dumped his entire lunch on me last week and then proceeded to antagonize me for lunch money!" Rachel laughs, but Puck's mouth is set in a line. He doesn't find anything about this humorous. "Nobody noticed when some cheerio stole my songbook and ripped out every page of hard work I had spent. I thought Glee club was supposed to be some sort of safe-haven, where the kids who didn't fit in could finally be who they wanted to be without judgment. It's bad enough I get slushied twice a day, get my lunch money stolen, and pushed into lockers. Now I'm expected to walk into Glee and get ridiculed even more? Just because I can sing well?"

Puck takes a couple steps forward, so that Rachel and he are practically touching. He swallows and shakes his head a bit; trying to form the words he wants to say.

"So…if you don't blame the glee club, who _do _you blame?" He asks. She drops her gaze for a moment before bringing it back up and staring into the twinkle of his eyes.

"Myself."

And he hated those words. He hated the fact that Glee club made her feel like this. He hated Mr. Schuester for kicking her out. He hated all of it.

"Why do you blame yourself?" He asks. Both were leaning in subconsciously to the point where they were gently pressed against eachother.

"I'm a freak. I don't belong." Rachel whispers. Puck's hand somehow makes it to her cheek, carefully cradling the side of her face. He licks his suddenly dry lips.

"No, you're not. You're so much more than that…"

Neither says anything. Neither has to. Rachel studies his face for a moment and parts her lips. Puck breaths in slowly, taking in soft smell of strawberries that was simply _Rachel._ He leans down and she leans up. Their lips are about to meet when they hear the doorbell ringing more times than necessary.

Fucking Hummel.

"I, uhm…I should probably get that." He murmurs. She nods and lets out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"You probably should."

He cursed quietly and pulls away, giving her one last look before starting down the stairs. Damn, damn, damn. He was _so _close. Rachel stands there for a moment before shaking her head and clearing her thoughts.

Puck practically rips the front door off of the hinges and glares. "What?"

"I've been ringing the doorbell for like ten minutes. What the hell were you doing up there?" Kurt asks, his face plastered with a 'bitch please' look. Puck rolls his eyes and looks past Kurt, where Blaine was sitting in the front seat of his car. The warbler offered him a shy smile, but Puck disregarded it and looked at the diva in front of him.

"Nothing, Hummel. Calm the fuck down."

Rachel walks up from behind Puck and offers Kurt the slightest smile.

"Hello, Kurt."

"Hey Rach. Alright, well I'll have her back by like, 10. Alright?" He asks. Kurt doesn't wait for an answer. He just lightly grabs Rachel's wrist and pulls her out of the house before breaking into a sprint.

Puck watches from the door as the three drive away. He hesitantly closes the front door and then furrows his brow.

What was he going to do about Glee club?

**A/N: Another sucky ending…sorry. But maybe a little Kurt and Blaine fluff next chapter will make up for it? And Kurt is such a cockblocking troll mwahaha.**


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